What does No look like in place of being a people pleaser.
What does No look like in place of ignoring your gut instinct.
And what does No look like in place of not putting your mental health first.
*Insert the book What A Time To Be Alone by Chidera Eggerue*
Hey people pleasers! “Being a nice person is not special, its basic human etiquette. There is no point if you don’t know how to stand up for yourself and integrate more ‘no’s’ into your life.” I used to LOVE being known for how nice, passive and sweet I was. But nope, fcuk it, I can tell you from experience when your ‘niceness’ gets in the way of speaking bluntly it is no longer a good trait- it’s a hindrance. But nice is my personality you say? Nobody is saying stop being nice, but recognise when to be firm for what you want or need and when to be nice. I’ve never met a successful person who was nice all the time, because thats not real.
*DISCLAIMER* there are a lot of quotes from the book.
“Don’t shrink yourself to make others feel comfortable.”
Sometimes you have to put your foot down. Right now what is it I want and need to do. Because as Chidera rightly states “The only standard worth meeting is my own.” “People will judge regardless, stop trying to be likeable and instead focus on being honest.” with yourself!
“You don’t need to change; just rearrange your priorities” This is what I mean by you do not need to change your personality- your personality and your priorities needn’t be confused, you can be nice but live your truth and meet your goals. Part of that lived truth is accounting for your personal needs (mental, physical, spiritual) “There is no voice you should listen to more than the voice of your own gut…” ignoring this has caused me so much havoc, being in tune with your gut is like being in tune with your guardian angel, your gut understands things that on the surface makes 0 sense, because it’s tapping into dimensions unbeknown to the human eye “Your intuition can detect an imbalance way before the mind registers.” so naturally “When you make the effort to understand yourself, this makes it a lot easier for you to understand other people.” when you really set aside time to spend time with yourself you start to understand that inner voice that will help you navigate vs the ego that you call the ‘personality’ and they do not have to be in conflict but can in fact work in synergy. Sidenote: “When people dislike themselves, they tend to make poor decisions”
So how does this link back to the power of No, to me No is an attitude, we are all aware of the legendary YES man. Well, I believe that saying yes to everything can be a big detriment to our mental, physical and spiritual health, because it can eventually become a burden or distraction. No has a stigma, but No means reclaiming time, it means carful analysis to know that something is not right for you in that moment, it means being willing to stand against the grain and be bold about who you are, it means being purposeful.
“Stop waiting for people to give you permission to believe that you are amazing”
Learn to expect better from yourself, be excited by your own growth, be your own cheerleader, do the inner work, people come and go, but you have to live with yourself till you pass, what does betterment look like to you? Be better for you.
This journey of self improvement needn’t be a lonely one as I often thought “it’s important to understand that there are people in this world who will make room for you people who will want a little longer to understand you because you are worth it and they see it” I’ve always loved being around people who ooze a self confidence about themselves, who have this ‘I don’t give a damn’ attitude, the ‘go getters’. I never necessarily always agreed with what these people said or did but I admired the courageous act of being an individual and standing out as a result. Being a people pleaser is like being a wallflower it’s comforting to just watch sometimes, but it pains when you have something to offer but you feel trapped by your own ‘personality’ that is easy to dismiss, Chidera suggests this, “Focus on you truth, focus on your message” this is what is important the rest is just distraction.
I’ve quoted the hell out of this book because I really enjoyed it, if you haven’t done so already I’d definitely recommend getting a copy, let me know what you think! x