I’m just here to kinda reflect on my mental right now, hope you don’t mind.
Its funny because I always start blogs then delete them but always come back to them when I’m in a new turning point in my life. I wish I never deleted them, but its weird, as much as I want to share my mind space with the web I do feel a little embarrassed. Thats one thing I want to work on changing, but how tho?? People make me feel weird about myself, but then everybody is weird. Fuck it.
Ahh so I find myself here again. Last time I had a blog I was on this self improvement tip, was a dedicated vegan and loved photography but wasn’t photographing enough. Couple years later I can’t say there has been any super extraordinary changes, which is fine, okay maybe just a few; I dropped out of uni- we thank God- because you know how depressed I was about it, I made photography a thing and actually got industry recognition from it, leading me to do an internship in one of the best advertising agencies in the world.. crazy. And I just returned back to being a vegan again, lovely! Its been a whirlwind to say the least. But i’m back here to tame the storm. I’m trying to find that inner peace, that inner happiness and all that good stuff. All that God stuff, I neglected God in some of the major turn of events on my journey, not having time really isn’t good enough. I literally found myself living THAT life but not being happy, I found myself surrounded by incredible people, everything at my convenience, money was amazing, being paid to be a creative and not being happy in the slightest, and as a result all those things went away… I often used to say, if you don’t water your garden the flowers will die, probably a lame analogy but thats what happened in my life, but its weird, I really thank God for that.
It took me feeling low, hung up and straight up lost to realise I needed to humble myself in my truth. I need to find quietness in my soul to really connect with whats real. And thats where I currently am, sort of. I can do better, what can I say i’m human *shrugs* but I’m becoming more observant, I’m noticing my interests, i’m placing a value on what I think, feel and what I goddamn want!
I already know the answers- I really do. Writing this has put me in a happy frame of mind, because the answers are all laid out. Everything you want all starts from the heart. Everything you need to do starts with that little voice in your head thats telling you to get up and go to the gym hunny! No serious, change your environment, get up early, get active, send those emails that you don’t really want to sent but you got to, put in that work, do what you need and want to do, it pays off and you know this, because you seen it.
I’m proud of all those baby steps I’ve taken that have evolved me spiritually and mentally, and I hope for the best from myself. I want that lavish life, but I also want that deeply rooted spiritual life too, honestly. It’s effort.